lots to learn
theres this zing, when I am paitning, and its going so well, and it happens so fast, and it feels so great to just get the paint on, and every stroke just…uh…
every stroke just feels so… uh…
AAAAHHH, no!!! I dodnt meant to put that there!
no!! erase, erase, earse, EERASSE!!!
OK, its OK, I can just get it wet, and rub it off…
there.
Now just paint a little more colour – ugh! no! ITS ALL GOING BLACK NOOOO!!!
take a look from a distance.
yup. Its smudged, it looks flat, black. Its ruined. I ruined it. I cant paint. What’s everyone going to think? WHy do I even bother trying to do something like this?
YUP. I have been there. I get there all the time. The cool thing is the recent times I have been there, I have been able to calm myself, from ripping the paper up and trying again. The urge is to just look away. Especially if its a painting that I was loving at first. Actually I always love them at first. Its rare that I don’t ever get to some “OH @$#@$” point in a painting. I’ve been finding ways to get creative with the mess. Take new risks, seeing as its pretty much looking awful anyways. Find ways to work the darks darker, even rub out an entire piece. Working through these panicky feelings can take a few days, but so therapeutic. Its so lovely to face oneself like this. daily. What’s that saying? “Do something everyday that scares you.” There’s nothing more scary than a blank piece of paper, and sound of the incessant internal voice. I dare you to face it.
Thats why I love watching Marcel paint. He’s absolutely fearless.
