Lilac Window

And here, my sweets. Another painting. This one is a watercolour. Its big. It was so fun to paint, and has inspired me so much. (Even though I was so sad when I thought the final glaze wrecked it – another lesson learned). Anyways, this is painted for the library art fundraiser. And is my thoughts on literature, reading and libraries. It is called “Pioneer Library”. When I asked the man who built this shack with his own two hands, if the winters get long and difficult his answer surprised me. He said “not at all. Actually I find I enjoy the winters, because it is the only time I can actually sit down and enjoy a good book.” This space, the window seat, the light coming in, all just make me want to curl up with some great Northern classic – Mowat, Burton, London, or Robert George, and read the winter away.

I love how this speaks to the importance of living with the seasons for our mental and emotional health. When we live an air-conditioned, forced-air existence, we loose touch with the benefits of change. I remember living in the yukon how it seemed tha people lived years like we live days. You sleep in winter, and work and play in the summer. The blah of parking-lot-winter never gives us that dark, quiet months of peace to read, that we cherish because the rest of the year harvesting, working, building, has left us spent. How I love that.

AND! I am so tickle excited and touched that my dear friend Gisele has written such a beautiful and encouraging post about my art school on her blog. What a gift to have friends that believe in you. Thanks Gisele!

Here is another painting I just finished. It is going in a little art show at a comic shop in Edmonton – called “Happy Harbour”. Its depiction of the superhero mom, at a early point in her superhero career. She is dealing with her ability to actually get stuff done. The text from it is below. I am trying to decide if I should include the text or not….

The months, years of trying so desperately to somehow “get on top of things” rush over me. The ceaseless effort, days of working to the bone, sleepness nights going over errands, keeping every thing in a constant state of managed disaster. I finally feel the exhaustion of all that effort. I feel like the past years have been spent with a n enormous ball of all my families stuff, and its tied with strings and ropes together, rolling down a hill, and I am running, directing, using every effort to keep the thing from coming apart at the seams.

And after years of running finally, we have landed in a meadow, the ropes have come undone and like a miracle, each item has fallen into its beautiful place. And I am a witness to its simplicity.

I sit away from it, afraid I will mess it up again, even though the furniture is brilliant in the sunshine, and the flowers in vases on glass coffee tables tell me “its OK”

Time. It goes so slow.

One second, one minute

One minute one day, A day, a week

The milliseconds tick by.

Im still sitting here

I can disappear between seconds

The dusted glassware, folded scented laundry, the perfectly manicured meal in the oven.

Still and quiet these things shards in my conscience, each one exists in this quiet, and each one is still, like me. I day dream of each crystal glass and bowl smashing on the floor in front of me. Shattered, like the hours that used to feel so solid.

I want…so badly….to be perfect.

I’ve never felt more singular than at this moment.

in one second the dinner is ready and the kitchen has been painted orange

We went to edmonton this weekend and enjoyed ourselves. I loved the downtown farmer’s market on Saturday. It made me wish we had something like it here in Calgary. I had a little money to spend, and was trying to figure out what to buy. It made me think. My practical self says I should spend it on food, or then, maybe clothes or something that will keep me alive, or warm in winter. But, as I was thinking this, a new little thought occurred to me. How art may be “useless”, but it takes a higher consciousness to appreciate it, and it inspires our souls, not just satisfies our appetites. Sure, I know, that most art can and does do both, and that food, and useful things can be art in themselves. But I also appreciate that it takes a really aware and higher level of thinking to prioritize beauty and inspiration, when resources are few. And so, I purchased this gorgeous mug. Crafted in Alberta in a wood stove, at a studio 1 hour west of Edmonton. It is my anti-depression medicine for next february, and its my inspiration that Beauty can be found everywhere.

peace.

I have decided from this point on, to ignore the cheese-o-meter. I mean, so far, it hasn’t served me very well any ways. If I want butterflies, pretty birds and flowers – I shall have them, and no more criticism…

Good. That said, this painting is really fun. I thought it was totally destroyed, many,many times, and then in the end I am rather fond of it. I added text, which in the end, looks fine, but I am not sure if its something I would do again. But it does add contrast and so it serves well. Also, cant hurt having a little sacred text to keep me in line. It looks great on a blue wall.

I am working on four more paintings now. Really! Four paintings. I am loving all this art in my days. On quiet mornings when I dont know how I am going to make it through, I just remind myself of the painting on my easel. Then I get excited…

I was inspired to take this photo of my newest studio space. For me, this has been a very productive set-up. I mean, it used to be a little challenge to negotiate play time and art time. Now we all play together. I can replace the head, pull apart pieces and continue a conversation about spaceships and pirates, while I am completing my next project.

We need groceries. Since being home, the last thing I want to do is spend time at the grocery store. And so, we have been clearing out the shelves of lentils, canned goods, frozen supplies. I keep thinking – I can make it another day without going into the store! Well, its sort of past that point… so to the grocery store we go.  sigh.

I am pumping these things out. I am so inspired. Its so nice to have a little project. I found moving the play room into my studio was actually the best thing for productivity. Its amazing how much painting I can get done in between fitting the lego guys head on, and attaching the trailer to the truck.

Ive had a couple set backs with this school. Set backs are good because they give you an opportunity to show how committed you are to your dream. It also allows you to adjust your priorities, and make sure that you are moving ahead in an elegant and efficient way. This is what I tell myself anyways.

This one is also in the store…

and then I did another one. This one has a nostalgic, ethereal feeling to it. It reminds me of the beach, the mist and Tofino.

Can you tell I am missing it already? Its rained almost the entire time we’ve been back, not to mention its been crazy busy trying to get this business started. Its actually feeling pretty scary about now.

I am focusing on marketing right now, which is not my forte. Please someone, just get me a room of kids and a mountain of art supplies, and we’ll see you next year! I have been out door to door, putting up posters, talking to people, but it all still feels unreal. Its also a little tricky staying focused with two little ones. I need to remember that meditation, and get back on that calm and self assured horse.

So, Im whipping these things out, and more to come. They are both now sitting in my store. 

I want to do a lot more of these. I did this one in the week we have been back. I was so inspired while away, I had to make it in a baby-grabbing, dangerous-ink-balancing and scary-needle-dropping frenzy. But I am so glad I did.

I had this idea before I left, and had made one scroll, that wasnt quite what I had imagined, but got the juices flowing. For this one I picked up the drift wood from a beach in Comox, and so it is important to me. The quote is from Baha’u'llah, and the tree is, well, across the road from here. 

The whole scroll idea came from my morning meditation where I was writing out the quotes rather than just thinking about them. I find it a little difficult to concentrate on just one thing, especially when I usually meditate with a baby in the room…so I write out the quote to keep me focused. It works well, but then I wanted to write the quotes beautifully and on nice paper, and they really started to pile up. My sister was the genius who came up with the scroll idea. Though it took some pondering about how to write them, what sticks to use, how to attach it, and all that, I am happy with this one.

I will be putting it in my shop, that I am debuting as we speak. I want to make these works accessible, and simple. The bonus is that  the scroll idea means I can ship them easily!

I cant wait to do more of these…

I am so excited to announce that my website for my school is up. Thats what I have been working on the past few days. I also have to mention that I am scared, and nervous and totally overwhelmed at the thought of it…but I am aware that this is the time to take the leap. I will be marketing and promoting my school the next month, as well as setting up the classroom, preparing the program and getting the supplies and equipment ready. Yeah, I am going to be busy.

Check out the site, let me know what you think, and if you are in Calgary, I would love to see you! (Or feel free to, like, send it to everyone you know and tell them its going to be amazing, and that they would love it, and well, you can add-lib!)

http://www.lilacwindowschool.com

On another note, my email subscription service was having some trouble, I have changed it and now, anyone who has already subscribed, will have to do it again (same as before, just click the link on the home page, and fill out the form). Sorry. I wont do this again. (as long as this thing actually works…) Thanks.

Here in Tofino I feel intimidated by the art of it. Its a complex feeling, but so intense its hard to ignore.

I wonder how others feel when presented with profound natural beauty. Awestruck? Mystified? Emotional? I feel all these things, as well as a surging impulse to take it in, to process it and to create. I want to stay, meditate on the lessons to learn, and to make things that describe my response. I want to think about all I know, and my way of being, and see how this incredible gift of beauty informs it, changes it, and sheds new light.

We have been witness to such incredible landscapes on this trip, and yet I have so little time to ponder and reflect. I want to record it all, and yet I know that as soon as I move on, or go home, the intensity of it fades.

Part of me wishes I could forget obligations, and find a cabin on some rocky shore, and hibernate for a winter, writing, painting and creating… don’t you? You might. 

I believe making things is a magical expression of human nature, which is to know and worship the Creator of all things. 

We visited Roy Vicker’s art gallery today, and some others. I cant also help but feel saddened and intimidated by the fact that I will never get close to describing the mystical or divine, or even get close to some of the achievements of other artists. I know that self-consciousness kills creativity, and the spirit, yet it seeps in. I am so fundamentally aware of the inadequacy of my attempts. Its a sad and beautiful road, to create. Sometimes I almost don’t want to be inspired, because then I know I will feel disappointment in not realizing that dream. But angst and despair are not for me.

Let us celebrate in the glory and immensity of all we cannot achieve. Its a lover’s pain, and a seeker’s steed. Unity comes after knowledge, and contentment is before nothingness*. 

Let’s be artists…I need to make time to get mystical.

(*I’m referring to Baha’u’llah’s Seven Valleys. A mystical sacred text which references Sufi mysticism.)

You may have read that I am designing an art curriculum. Its an organic process, that will involve a lot of discovery and flexibility once I begin to use it, but for now I am at the theory stage, figuring out what to include, how to sculpt the time we have together, to get the most of it.

I am thinking that the courses will be based on our creative imagination, that allows us to believe that anything is possible. It inspires us to strive, to create and reach for our higher potential. 

 Want the class to be a called “Portfolios of dreams” or something like that. Where the idea is to bring inspiration from the heart to our hands, by way of our intelligence. It will journey through speaking, writing and drawing ideas, to building, crafting and making the ideas, in 3 dimensions. I want to allow room for grand scale ideas, like creating cities, worlds, universes, buildings and landscapes, through describing, exploring and representing them in the small scale. 

The tricky part is that I want the participants to feel that their efforts can make an impact on the world. I want them to feel the beauty in each thing they make and its sacredness, and to keep it as a reminder of their dreams. I want the things that they make to be usable, and solid. They need to be beautiful, inspiring, but also practical. This is not a wasteful class, where the objects we make sit on our shelves and gather dust, or worse go in the garbage. These “things” need to be real, and needed.

Now I just gotta organize all my ideas.

And I have a lot of them. I want to have adult classes, and children’s classes. I think the adult classes will be more practical and result based, because, well, we are trained to think like that. The kids classes can allow for a little more mess…if you know what I mean.

I want to do sand paintings, and explore ways of recording them, before they are de-materialized. I want to make books, and stories about worlds we dream of. I want to make images that hang on our walls, that are windows into another universe. I want to create designs for cities and buildings, that can exist as ideas, drawings and as models. The models can be played with, as toys, hung on our walls as art, or photographed and then disassembled, to be used as something else. I want us to create gifts of beauty, that help us think about others – thank-you cards, signs for our walls and gardens, embellishments on our world. We can design and decorate our clothes, our furniture and our walls and spaces. Interior design, and environmental design. All are ways to make our existence one of beauty, to make every act one of creativity. I think there is a lot we can do. I will simplify and edit, for those of you still confused. The classes will be organized to be all encompassing, but also simple and on the small scale. I am so excited to be doing this.

we appreciate where we are in retrospect. I give thanks everyday, and yet its hard to see what I have while within it. From the outside, it is easier to see.

The babies are candy sweet. Loud, full of life. Spit-fire rockets. tufts of hair behind the ears. Einstien questions…”Mom? how do plants grow?” “what is air?” “can I have more chocolate?” each request requires my full consciousness. 

I feel like painting more than ever. I have been living a program of spiritual, emotional and physical well-being, and the inspiration is flowing from my hands. And though they would love to be holding brushes, most of the time they are holding babies, friends, family, and loved ones. And where better  for that lovely inspiration to go, than to the dearest ones in my world? Let the colors flow!

hope you like the cryptic side. see you in bright, sunny, daylight, my sweets.

I find myself on yet another journey. So many souls now are looking for work, for ways to serve the world, to utilize their talents, and to support their families. I, happily, find myself among them. Right now I am OK with that, as I feel now is a time for following dreams, and finding a path towards my goals. I vow right now, to paint, write, pray, read, talk, knock on doors, meet kindred spirits, and find a way to make dreams a reality. Its the shaping of a new life, something that wasn’t there before. Something beautiful. The creative way.

There are moments, out there, when I actually have a minute to paint.

It could have something to do with the welcomed arrival of another young family in the campsite next to us, whose lovely son shared trucks and hours of play with our three year old. We do our best, but I think that there is nothing that can compare with a play mate who is just at your level. Who will push a truck around in 20 foot circle for the better part of the day. There is just no competing with that! 

And so, in the quiet (baby sound asleep) I sat down with my paints. Oh what a luxury! I drank it in. I keep my paints in an old rice bag that is the perfect size for all I need. I pre-rip small sheets of Arches 300 lb, so there’s no stretching needed. I squeeze as much paint as will fit into the dips of a large travel watercolour travel paint tray with a lid, and let them dry overnight into hard pans. I fill up a cup of water, unroll the brushes, and get to it.

Now, I just need to find a way to package up a little play mate for the son!

The following letter was read as the letter of the day, the day after Jian and the Q crew visited Calgary, in the summer of 2008. I attended the live recording and got to meet Jian, who is a hero to me, for supporting the arts in Canada.

“The local people you interviewed were talking about how great the Calgary arts scene is. I agree to an extent, but I think they were holding back. What they weren’t saying is that the reason the Calgary Arts scene is so tight and supportive is because they have to be in opposition to the rest of the city. Funding is one issue, but I think there is more to it. There is a good group of people in Calgary doing all they can to “support” the arts, by buying season tickets to the CPO, or theater calgary. But even full houses at every concert is not a rich arts and culture scene. I live in a suburb of Calgary called Rundle that has a large population of immigrants. Where are the drums on the street? Where are the latin dances in the community halls? Where are the swing dances? the live music? the art shows? the jazz festivals in the community parks? We have the people, the skill, and definitely the money….sadly, we don’t seem to have the spirit. Calgary has a long way to go to rival other major arts centers in Canada. I hope that the challenge is taken up, and we really make the sacrifices and effort needed to make Arts not just a season ticket, but a way of life.”